Year Nine - Nine Insights

1. Legacies are lived through the gifts we give people.
   It’s not in objects but in acts of kindness and generosity. I hear the same variations of the stories about Mom so many years later because she made people feel seen and valued. She made time for everyone no matter how busy she was; consequentially, her life was always full of people and laughter.
   
   

2. Breaking my ancestral curses
   This year, I recognized inherited patterns of behavior from my mom, such as keeping her sadness or moments of failure to herself due to societal expectations. It left her anxious and isolated during her most trying times. I am breaking this lineage and sharing my struggles and doubts openly. I've found that vulnerability creates a connection with others, allowing us to learn and grow together.
   
   

3. Striving less, living more
   I live each day as if it were my last, prioritizing activities that bring me happiness. I enjoy leisurely meals with friends, cherish moments with my loved ones, engage in deep conversations, create art, and connect with colleagues. I've learned to replace my previous focus on titles, status, and achievements with a greater appreciation for love and laughter.
   
   

4. Re-write your narrative
   What is the story you are telling yourself about your loss or failure? Examining our triggers and naming our fears helps us understand how to navigate life better. Ultimately we are all responsible for our outlook, and knowing that we can change it through our perception and the narratives we build about who we are in the world is super powerful.
   
   

5. Finding closure is a myth.
   Closure is a myth perpetuated by those who see the world in absolutes. When we lose someone important to us, grief doesn't simply end - it ebbs and flows like the tides. We must embrace the full range of emotions that come with it and realize that we're not alone in this experience.
   
   

6. Life becomes a series of bittersweet moments.
   Life is a collection of both happy and sad moments. I have coping mechanisms for when I am sad that have been replaced by long phone calls with Mom where she told me I was the best thing that happened to anyone and anything. I have started to institute a day of devastation to process my emotions, much like Beyonce, but missing Mom is most profound during moments of joy. Nobody shares your happiness quite in the way your mom can. There is no replacing her.
   
   

7. The only constant is impermanence.
   Mom also had bookmarked my favorite Lao Tzu quote: "Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." Have I fully embraced this? NO, do I want to spend time understanding it - ABSOLUTELY!
   
   

8. Seize the day!
   One of the many things I've inherited from my mom is a love for indulgence - wearing a new dress or bringing out the silver for no special occasion, celebrating the small wins, and blowing out the big moments for everyone around me. Life is too short and goes by so quickly that I have replaced perfection and list-making with trusting that it will all work out. I have learned that it is always the best story to tell when it doesn't, and it’s usually full of laughter, knowing that you tried.  So say yes - pop that champagne and invite everyone over even when your house isn’t picture-perfect.
   
   

9. Nine
   In Hinduism, the number 9 holds great significance and is considered a sacred number that symbolizes the completion of a cycle. Navratri has nine days, Hindu astrology recognizes nine planets that influence human life - Sun, Moon, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, Saturn, Rahu, and Ketu. Nine gems (navratna) are believed to bring good luck and ward off evil (Ruby, Pearl, Coral, Emerald, Yellow Sapphire, Diamond, Blue Sapphire, Hessonite, and Cat's Eye), and there are nine incarnations of Vishnu.
   
   These nine years have been a roller coaster of emotions for me, but for the most part, my mom’s death has given me the greatest gift - an understanding of how precious time is. Hug your loved ones, and call your friends. Know that each of you is such a gift to my journey.